How A Simple Question Changed My Sexual Life
The only thing you need to make a fire is a little spark. That can also be true for a life changing moment.
I recently started dating this — really amazing — girl, Rose, and she is pushing all of the right buttons with me. And I don’t only mean intellectual talks or sexual positions in bed. I am talking about my own sexuality.
One of the first times we had sex, we end up just laying out in the bed, recovering from the effort we just had. And then, out of the blue, she asks me “what kind of things do you enjoy most in bed”. I don’t actually remember what I said back then, but I am pretty sure she got that that was a difficult question for me to answer.
I have had my share of woman — I like to think I have a good repertoire — but I never really thought about what tinkled me in bed, I kind of just went with the wind and did whatever crossed my mind at the moment. Without really giving a thought about what my preference was.
But here I am now… Wondering about that question of hers!
So I started reading some things about sex and tried to understand myself a bit more. Most of the articles are around heterosexual partners, but let’s keep an open mind and be honest: a lot of the tips and questions are just about woman sexuality, no matter the sexual preferences — or the lack of them — or the sexual orientation.
And that’s how my sex quest started! There I was (re)discovering myself. (And I need to give this girl a lot of credit since she was the one introducing sex toys in our relationship and asking me to masturbate in front of her and that helped me a lot throughout the process). But here are some things I am happy to share with you:
- Acknowledge that something is missing
No matter your age, coming to the realization that you missed on something, can be harsh. I know for a fact that your whole world can change over a single though or, like in this case, over a simple question. (Yeah, this kind of looks like I am coming out of the closet all over again!) But there is nothing better then the final result. The journey can be tricky, but in the end you are — hopefully — going to be able to enjoy yourself better and more consistently! And there is nothing better than a healthy sexual relationship. - Masturbate (maybe solo first)
There is no other way around it: practice till you master it! You can fantasize about a bunch of things, but when you go hands on… it just doesn’t feel like when it was only in your head! So there is no better way to know if you like something, or not, unless you try it out! - Sex toys
In most relationships, they end up in bed anyway… So why not just test drive them yourself first and, when you do introduce them to your partner, have this “how to use it with me” manual? I find it very sexy when my girlfriend knows exactly what she wants me to do with her! - Just enjoy the ride instead of the end game
Most of us, woman, have some kind of anxiety problem when it comes to having an orgasm. A lot of it comes from the — really wrong — perception that sex only ends when you achieve it. There are so many levels of wrong about this way of thinking that I can not even summarize them here, but the truth is sex is about feelings. A whole lot of real feelings, that goes through your body. When someone touches it. Or when someone talks near your ear. And you need to start paying attention to them instead of just rush into the orgasm.
And remember to fail. In fact fail a lot… Because there is nothing wrong in knowing exactly what doesn’t trigger you.
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